Equine Assisted Learning

This "Musing" is by guest blogger, Keith Bishop, Director of Operations at Q&A Associates.  We work with young adults and their families and the similarities between that mission and working with horses is amazing.  It is definitely a graceful dance and we learn something new everyday!!  Thanks, Keith for a great post!

            Equine Assisted Learning at Timberline Stables

As clients enroll in a Q&A program, we treat them as adults, with the ultimate goal to launch them into independence.  However, independence will never be achieved if we consistently put controls on what choices they can make.

Learning how to work with the clients and guide them is much like working with our horses.  Angie (our CEO) and her husband Matt teach the clients that their energy and attitude affect the horse instantly, and you can’t put your map on the horse.  Many people get on the horse and immediately pull back hard on the reigns in an effort to keep the horse under “control,” an interesting reaction when the horse has just allowed the rider to climb on its back without jumping or bucking.  The rider is trying to exert control when there is no need to control anything.  Pulling on the reigns when riding a horse actually tells the horse to stop or back up, neither of which are good choices when you are trying to ride a horse forward!

Buck Brannaman, a very gifted horseman and human being, helps people learn to ride better by teaching them that control is really about pressure, and the more pressure you use, the less the horse will respond which actually reduces the amount of control the rider has.  If the pressure becomes too great, the horse will actually misbehave and act out to escape the pressure.

Working with young adults and their families parallels working with horses.  The fight or flight instinct of the horse is engaged as soon as the rider gets on and tries to control the horse.  The rider is not working with the horse, he is trying to control the horse and eventually, the result will be an ill-mannered horse and a frustrated rider.  Taking the control mechanism out of the learning process and choosing to walk along beside the client produces greater, more authentic gains.  As adults, their outcomes are based on their choices and the more we can allow them to experience and try, the more wisdom and insight they will gain.  Parents have to allow their children to grow safely, without having all the controls.  Yes, there will be mistakes, but that is where growth and wisdom come from.  None of us can be successful and happy all the time.  Failure is inevitable, and if we can learn from the failures and the successes, our lives will be richer and fuller.

I'm blessed to live in a community that values sustainability and environmental resources, and I'm grateful for that.  I have also decided that I can contribute to the effort in a personal way.  By 4:00 AM every morning, I'm sure I can heat the entire county!  I've never liked sleeping in warm rooms; I prefer to have a cool room with cozy covers.  That has always helped me sleep sound and comfortable.  However, over the past few years, I have developed a new sleep process.  I still go to sleep in a cool room with cozy covers, but something happens during the night and my internal heater gets stuck on high.  By 4:00 AM, I'm awake and ON FIRE!!!  So, as I lay awake last night pondering this phenomena, I decided I can contribute to the local community by capturing my internal heat and sharing it with folks who may be struggling to pay their heating bills.  Good idea, huh??

How is it that I went to sleep one night a 20 something year old young adult and woke up in my 40s and ON FIRE??  I ponder this question often and consider the timeline of life.  It is indeed ironic.  When I was in my 20s and my mom was in her 40s, I knew she was a young mom compared to some of my friends' moms, but she was still "middle aged" and I couldn't really see myself in her shoes.  Guess what, I am there!  And guess what else, my mom is 65 and I still think she is a young mom!!  My daughter is now 24; I'm 46; my mom is 65.  We ARE the timeline and I'm right in the middle of it.  The realizations are daily and impactful, and important to my job.

I work with young adults struggling to launch into their own lives.  It often feels surreal to see my clients working through their fears and insecurities while I'm coaching their parents to allow their young adults to truly be young adults - and work through their fears and insecurities!  It is indeed a dance.  Since I am the parent of a 19 year old and a 24 year old, I'm enjoying the dance myself.  I truly love my job and I'm constantly learning.  I intend to use this Blog as a vehicle to share some of these lessons with whomever is brave enough explore A Musing or Two by Angie.

Lesson Number 1:  If you happen to fall into the category of divorced parent, you must always put the child or children of the union first.  NO MATTER WHAT.  Easy?  No.  It takes effort and usually more effort is put in by one parent.  It is almost impossible to find two parents who put the kids first and swallow their own pride, hurt feelings, regrets, and resentments.  But honestly, that is the only way kids of divorce can be healthy.  That means never, ever, ever bad mouthing the other parent regardless of what he or she has done.  That also means making decisions based on what is best for the kids, not on what is best for you or on what you really want.  For example, when Christmas rolls around, don't use it as a weapon against your ex . . . allow the kids to have some say in where they go and when.  Be supportive and loving and above all, respectful.  In fact, this is a good time for my one rule of life . . . RESPECT.  If we always respect ourselves, we will not disrespect others because that is, by default, disrespecting ourselves.  So, if you are struggling through the emotions of divorce, no matter how long ago the union ended, remember that while you may have to swallow a lot of bitter pills - and spend a few Christmas mornings without your child - you will be a better person for it and your child will grow to respect you and your ability to have self-control and put his worth and health above your own.